What Is the Ruling on a Father Who Prevents His Daughter from Marrying Until She Falls into Zina?

QUESTION ❓

Assalamu ‘alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh, Sheikh.

I need your prayers and advice because I am facing a very difficult situation.

I wanted to get married when I was around 15 or 16, but my father refused and said that I should continue my education. I kept being patient, and many years passed.

Unfortunately, because my needs were not being properly addressed and I was desperate to marry, I became involved with a man who deceived me and I committed zina with him. He eventually abandoned me.

Later, I met another man who wanted to marry me. I took him to my father, but my father again refused and said that I should wait. I continued to be patient. Eventually, that relationship also became sinful, and since then I have repeatedly fallen into zina with different men. Each time, I regret what I have done and cry, but I find myself falling back into the same sin.

I now sincerely want to repent and never return to this sin again. Please advise me and give me supplications that can help me. I feel that I am struggling against my own desires and need help.

Also, what is the ruling concerning a father who repeatedly prevents his daughter from marrying?

ANSWER ❗️

Wa ‘alaikumus-salam wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh.

First, my sister, do not despair of Allah's mercy.

What you have described involves a serious sin, but no matter how serious a person's sins may be, the door of sincere repentance remains open as long as the person is alive and genuinely turns back to Allah.

Allah says:

قُلْ يَا عِبَادِيَ الَّذِينَ أَسْرَفُوا عَلَىٰ أَنْفُسِهِمْ لَا تَقْنَطُوا مِنْ رَحْمَةِ اللَّهِ ۚ إِنَّ اللَّهَ يَغْفِرُ الذُّنُوبَ جَمِيعًا ۚ إِنَّهُ هُوَ الْغَفُورُ الرَّحِيمُ

Qul yā ‘ibādiya alladhīna asrafū ‘alā anfusihim lā taqnaṭū min raḥmatillāh. Inna Allāha yaghfiru adh-dhunūba jamī‘ā. Innahu huwa al-Ghafūru ar-Raḥīm.

“Say, ‘O My servants who have transgressed against themselves, do not despair of the mercy of Allah. Indeed, Allah forgives all sins. Indeed, He is the Most Forgiving, Most Merciful.’”

Qur’an 39:53

Zina Is a Major Sin

Zina is unquestionably prohibited in Islam. Allah says:

وَلَا تَقْرَبُوا الزِّنَىٰ ۖ إِنَّهُ كَانَ فَاحِشَةً وَسَاءَ سَبِيلًا

Wa lā taqrabū az-zinā innahu kāna fāḥishatan wa sā’a sabīlā.

“Do not even approach zina. Indeed, it is an obscenity and an evil way.”

Qur’an 17:32

The seriousness of zina should therefore not be underestimated. However, acknowledging the seriousness of the sin should never lead a person to believe that Allah will not forgive her.

Allah specifically mentions repentance after serious sins and says:

إِلَّا مَن تَابَ وَآمَنَ وَعَمِلَ عَمَلًا صَالِحًا فَأُولَٰئِكَ يُبَدِّلُ اللَّهُ سَيِّئَاتِهِمْ حَسَنَاتٍ ۗ وَكَانَ اللَّهُ غَفُورًا رَّحِيمًا

Illā man tāba wa āmana wa ‘amila ‘amalan ṣāliḥan fa-ulā’ika yubaddilullāhu sayyi’ātihim ḥasanāt. Wa kāna Allāhu Ghafūran Raḥīmā.

“Except those who repent, believe and do righteous deeds. For them, Allah will replace their evil deeds with good. And Allah is Ever-Forgiving, Most Merciful.”

Qur’an 25:70

This is a powerful reminder that a person's past does not have to determine her future.

What Does Genuine Repentance Require?

Sincere tawbah involves several things:

1. Stopping the sin.
2. Feeling genuine regret for having committed it.
3. Resolving sincerely not to return to it.
4. If another person's rights have been violated, taking the appropriate steps to restore those rights.

You do not need to make a special lifelong oath or swear by Allah that you will never commit the sin again. What is required is a sincere resolution at the time of repentance that you will not return to it.

If a person later falls again, that does not mean that the door of repentance has permanently closed. She must repent again sincerely and take stronger practical measures to prevent another relapse.

The Prophet ﷺ reported from his Lord that Allah greatly rejoices when His servant returns to Him in repentance. This meaning is authentically established in Sahih Muslim, 2747.

Do Not Merely Repent—Remove the Circumstances That Lead to the Sin

Because you have described a repeated pattern, you should not rely on intention alone.

You need to change the circumstances that repeatedly lead you into zina.

That includes:

• ending contact with men with whom you have had illicit relationships;
• avoiding private meetings and situations that repeatedly lead to sin;
• blocking or distancing yourself from people who pressure you into sexual relationships;
• avoiding conversations and environments that weaken your resolve;
• strengthening your connection with prayer, Qur'an and righteous company;
• seeking guidance from a trustworthy female scholar, counsellor, or another responsible person who can support you without exploiting your situation.

If someone approaches you for marriage, the matter should be taken through a proper and transparent process, involving your family or another trustworthy guardian/authority rather than allowing the relationship to develop secretly.

What About Your Father's Refusal to Let You Marry?

A father has an important responsibility toward his daughter. He should protect her interests and make decisions with wisdom, not simply prevent her from marrying indefinitely without a legitimate reason.

Allah says:

فَلَا تَعْضُلُوهُنَّ أَن يَنكِحْنَ أَزْوَاجَهُنَّ إِذَا تَرَاضَوْا بَيْنَهُم بِالْمَعْرُوفِ

Falā ta‘ḍulūhunna an yankiḥna azwājahunna idhā tarāḍaw baynahum bil-ma‘rūf.

“Do not prevent them from marrying their prospective husbands when they have mutually agreed in a fair manner.”

Qur’an 2:232

This verse establishes an important principle against unjustly obstructing a woman's lawful marriage.

If a suitable man proposes and there is no valid Sharī‘ah reason for refusing him, a guardian should not continually prevent the woman from marrying merely because he wants her to wait indefinitely.

However, it would also be wrong to say that every refusal by a father is automatically unlawful. A guardian may have legitimate concerns about a prospective husband, such as his religion, character, ability to take responsibility, or other genuine circumstances.

Therefore, the actual reasons for the father's refusals need to be examined carefully.

Did the Father's Refusal Cause the Zina?

It would not be correct to say that the father caused the zina and therefore bears the daughter's sin.

Each person is responsible for his or her own actions.

However, if a guardian unjustly obstructs a suitable marriage, repeatedly refuses legitimate proposals without a valid reason, or places a woman in an unreasonable situation, he may himself be accountable before Allah for that wrongdoing.

That responsibility is separate from the woman's responsibility for her own choices.

Therefore, both matters should be addressed fairly: the daughter must repent from zina, and the father must correct any injustice or unreasonable obstruction in the matter of marriage.

What Should She Do Now?

If she genuinely wants to change, she should not wait for her father to change before beginning her repentance.

Start now.

Pray to Allah, abandon the relationships that lead to sin, seek trustworthy support, and ask responsible people to help resolve the marriage issue properly.

If there is a suitable man whom she wishes to marry, the matter should be brought before trustworthy family members, a knowledgeable scholar, or an appropriate Islamic authority. If the father is unjustly preventing a lawful marriage, the matter should be addressed through proper mediation rather than through a secret relationship.

A Supplication for Forgiveness

She can frequently say:

رَبِّ اغْفِرْ لِي وَتُبْ عَلَيَّ إِنَّكَ أَنْتَ التَّوَّابُ الرَّحِيمُ

Rabbighfir lī wa tub ‘alayya innaka anta at-Tawwābur-Raḥīm.

“My Lord, forgive me and accept my repentance. Indeed, You are the One who accepts repentance, the Most Merciful.”

She should also frequently say Astaghfirullāh wa atūbu ilayh:

أَسْتَغْفِرُ اللَّهَ وَأَتُوبُ إِلَيْهِ

Astaghfirullāha wa atūbu ilayh.

“I seek Allah's forgiveness and repent to Him.”

Do Not Expose a Sin That Allah Has Concealed

If Allah has concealed a person's past sins after sincere repentance, she should not go around telling people about them.

The Prophet ﷺ warned against exposing sins that Allah has concealed. Sahih al-Bukhari, 6069; Sahih Muslim, 2990.

Therefore, she does not need to inform every prospective husband or other people about her past zina.

However, this does not permit her to deceive a prospective husband about an existing condition that materially affects the marriage, such as an existing pregnancy, a child, or a known sexually transmitted infection. Such matters should be handled honestly and responsibly.

Final Advice

My sister, do not let shame drive you back into the very sin you are trying to escape.

Your past is not a reason to give up. Turn to Allah sincerely and begin rebuilding your life.

Do not think, “I have already committed this sin many times, so there is no point stopping now.” That is precisely the kind of despair a believer must reject.

At the same time, do not depend on willpower alone. Cut off the pathways that repeatedly lead you to zina, seek trustworthy support, and address the marriage problem through a proper channel.

And regarding your father, if he has genuinely been preventing suitable marriage proposals without a valid reason, trusted elders and knowledgeable scholars should intervene and examine the matter fairly.

May Allah accept your repentance, protect you from returning to zina, grant you righteous companionship, guide your father to what is right, and provide you with a lawful and peaceful path to marriage if marriage is best for you.

Wallāhu A‘lam — And Allah knows best.

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