QUESTION ❓
Assalamu ‘alaikum, Sheikh.
My husband and I have been together since he had very little financially. I was patient with him during those difficult times, and now Allah has blessed him with wealth. However, he still does not provide us with good food or adequately fulfil his responsibilities toward the family, despite my repeated attempts to encourage him to do so.
There are many other problems as
well. I have therefore started praying that Allah will replace him with another
husband. Is it wrong for me to make such a supplication?
I have also asked him to divorce me,
but he refuses.
ANSWER
❗️
Wa ‘alaikumus-salam wa rahmatullahi
wa barakatuh.
It is important to distinguish
between asking for divorce without a genuine reason and seeking
separation because of serious and continuing marital problems.
Islam does not encourage a woman or
a man to end a marriage merely because of temporary difficulties or ordinary
disagreements. However, when a spouse is persistently failing to fulfil
important marital obligations and the marriage has become a source of serious
hardship, the matter is different.
From what you have described, there
are at least two important issues that need to be addressed.
1.
Failure to Provide for the Family
Providing reasonable maintenance for
one's wife and dependants is a marital responsibility.
Allah says:
لِيُنفِقْ
ذُو سَعَةٍ مِّن سَعَتِهِ ۖ وَمَن قُدِرَ عَلَيْهِ رِزْقُهُ فَلْيُنفِقْ مِمَّا
آتَاهُ اللَّهُ ۚ لَا يُكَلِّفُ اللَّهُ نَفْسًا إِلَّا مَا آتَاهَا ۚ سَيَجْعَلُ
اللَّهُ بَعْدَ عُسْرٍ يُسْرًا
Liyunfiq dhū sa‘atin min sa‘atihi wa
man qudira ‘alayhi rizquhu falyunfiq mimmā ātāhullāh. Lā yukallifu Allāhu
nafsan illā mā ātāhā. Sayaj‘alullāhu ba‘da ‘usrin yusrā.
“Let the wealthy man spend according
to his means, and the one whose provision is restricted should spend from what
Allah has given him. Allah does not burden any soul beyond what He has given
it. Allah will bring about ease after hardship.”
Qur’an 65:7
Therefore, if a husband genuinely
lacks the financial ability to provide, he is only responsible according to his
means. But if Allah has given him sufficient means and he deliberately refuses
to provide reasonable maintenance for his wife and children out of negligence
or miserliness, that is a serious matter.
The wife may raise the matter with
trusted family members, elders, or other appropriate people who can advise him
and seek reconciliation.
2.
Failure to Fulfil Marital Responsibilities
The second issue concerns the
statement that he does not fulfil his marital responsibilities.
A marriage is not merely a financial
arrangement. Both spouses have rights and responsibilities toward one another.
Allah says:
وَعَاشِرُوهُنَّ
بِالْمَعْرُوفِ
Wa ‘āshirūhunna bil-ma‘rūf.
“Live with them honourably.”
Qur’an 4:19
If the problem is related to a
health condition, psychological difficulty, or another genuine problem
affecting the husband's ability to fulfil his marital responsibilities, he
should be encouraged to seek appropriate medical help.
If it is simply a matter of
different levels of desire or misunderstanding between the spouses, they should
communicate honestly and seek a mutually acceptable solution.
However, if a husband persistently
refuses to fulfil important marital obligations and the situation causes his
wife serious and continuing harm, this should not simply be dismissed by
telling her to endure indefinitely.
Is
It Wrong to Pray for Another Husband?
There is nothing inherently wrong
with asking Allah to remove hardship, grant a better situation, or provide
what is best for one's religion and worldly life.
However, rather than becoming
fixated on a particular replacement husband, it is better to make a broader
supplication such as:
“O Allah, if this marriage is good
for my religion and my life, reform it and place love, mercy and righteousness
between us. If remaining in it is harmful for me, make a lawful and peaceful
way out for me and grant me what is better.”
The important thing is to leave the
outcome to Allah.
A person should also remember that
imagining another husband as perfect can be misleading. Every human being has
strengths and weaknesses. Therefore, the decision should be based on the actual
condition of the present marriage, not merely on the hope that another person
will necessarily be better.
What
If the Husband Refuses to Divorce Her?
If she has genuine reasons for
seeking separation and the husband refuses to cooperate, she should not resort
to secret relationships or other unlawful means.
Instead, the matter can be taken
through the appropriate family mediation, Islamic scholarly authority, or
competent legal/Sharia authority, depending on the circumstances.
Allah says:
وَإِنْ
خِفْتُمْ شِقَاقَ بَيْنِهِمَا فَابْعَثُوا حَكَمًا مِّنْ أَهْلِهِ وَحَكَمًا مِّنْ
أَهْلِهَا ۚ إِن يُرِيدَا إِصْلَاحًا يُوَفِّقِ اللَّهُ بَيْنَهُمَا
Wa in khiftum shiqāqa baynihimā
fab‘athū ḥakaman min ahlihi wa ḥakaman min ahlihā. In yurīdā iṣlāḥan
yuwaffiqillāhu baynahumā.
“If you fear a breach between them,
appoint one mediator from his family and one from hers. If they both desire
reconciliation, Allah will bring about harmony between them.”
Qur’an 4:35
This is an important step before
making a final decision where reconciliation may still be possible.
If reconciliation fails and the
husband continues to deny her legitimate rights, she may explore the lawful
avenues available for khul‘ or judicial separation, according to the
applicable circumstances and the ruling of a qualified authority.
A
Final Word of Advice
Your patience during your husband's
difficult financial circumstances was something commendable. However, patience
does not mean that a person must silently accept persistent injustice or the
denial of legitimate marital rights.
At the same time, divorce should not
be the first response to every marital difficulty.
The wisest approach is to:
- Clearly communicate the problems to your husband.
- Involve trustworthy representatives from both families.
- Determine whether the financial and marital problems
can genuinely be corrected.
- Encourage him to seek appropriate help if there is a
health-related problem.
- If serious problems continue despite reasonable
attempts at reconciliation, seek advice from a qualified scholar or
competent Islamic authority regarding separation.
As for your supplication, rather
than simply asking for a particular replacement, ask Allah to repair your
marriage if it is good for you, and if it is not, to grant you a lawful and
peaceful way out and replace your hardship with what is better.
Wallāhu A‘lam — And Allah knows
best.
Zauren Fatawoyi Bisa Al-Qur’ani da Sunnah
ﺳُﺒﺤَﺎﻧَﻚَ ﺍﻟﻠَّﻬُﻢَّ ﻭَﺑِﺤَﻤْﺪِﻙَ ﺃﺷْﻬَﺪُ ﺃﻥ ﻟَﺎ ﺇِﻟَﻪَ ﺇِﻻَّ ﺃﻧْﺖَ ﺃﺳْﺘَﻐْﻔِﺮُﻙَ ﻭﺃَﺗُﻮﺏُ ﺇِﻟَﻴْﻚ
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