QUESTION ❓
Assalamu alaikum, Sheikh.
My friend has a boyfriend who lives
in Kaduna, while she lives in Kano. He has twice asked her to engage in zina
(unlawful sexual intercourse), but she refused both times.
Now, her family has arranged a
marriage for her, and she informed her boyfriend about it. He said he would
find time to discuss the matter, but three days have passed without him saying
anything. When she calls him, he does not answer.
What should she do? Should she continue waiting for him, or should she move on?
ANSWER
❗️
Wa alaikumus-salam wa rahmatullahi
wa barakatuh.
The first thing to recognise is that
your friend did well to maintain her boundaries and refuse to participate in an
act she believes is forbidden by Allah. She should remain firm in her religious
principles and never feel that she must compromise them to prove her love for
someone.
However, the question of whether she
should marry this man requires careful consideration. His request to commit
zina is a serious cause for concern, but we should also avoid claiming that we
know everything about his intentions or that a person who has sinned can never
repent and become a responsible spouse.
1.
Zina Is Forbidden in Islam
Allah says:
وَلَا
تَقْرَبُوا الزِّنَىٰ إِنَّهُ كَانَ فَاحِشَةً وَسَاءَ سَبِيلًا
Wa lā taqrabuz-zinā innahu kāna
fāḥishatan wa sāʾa sabīlā.
“And do not approach unlawful sexual
intercourse. Indeed, it is ever an immorality and is evil as a way.”
Qur'an 17:32
This verse prohibits zina and warns
Muslims against approaching the circumstances that may lead to it.
Your friend should not feel guilty
for refusing her boyfriend's request. She has the right to maintain her
religious boundaries, and no one should pressure her into doing something that
conflicts with her beliefs and values.
A person who genuinely cares about
another should respect that person's boundaries rather than pressure them to
violate their convictions.
2.
What Does His Request Tell Her About His Character?
Asking a girlfriend to commit zina
is a serious warning sign, particularly if the request involves pressure,
manipulation, threats or promises made to obtain compliance.
Your friend should therefore
consider whether this man demonstrates the qualities she would expect in a
husband, including:
- Religious commitment: Does
he take his obligations to Allah seriously?
- Respect: Does he respect her decisions
and personal boundaries?
- Honesty: Does he communicate truthfully
about his intentions?
- Responsibility: Is he
willing to approach marriage through appropriate family channels and
accept its responsibilities?
- Good character: Does
he demonstrate patience, kindness and self-control when things do not go
his way?
His request is relevant evidence
that she should take seriously. However, she should assess his conduct as a
whole rather than assume that one incident conclusively determines every aspect
of his character.
3.
What Does His Silence Mean?
The fact that he has not answered
her calls for three days does not, by itself, prove that he never intended to
marry her. There may be circumstances she does not know about.
Nevertheless, she should not remain
indefinitely in uncertainty, repeatedly calling him or putting her future on
hold while waiting for an answer.
If he genuinely intends to marry
her, he can demonstrate this through clear communication and responsible
action. He should be willing to discuss the matter respectfully and approach
the appropriate family members.
She does not need to beg him to
choose her or compromise her values to retain his attention.
4.
Should She Marry Him or Accept the Proposed Marriage?
Your friend should not make this
decision merely because she loves her boyfriend, fears losing him or feels
disappointed by his silence.
She should also not accept another
marriage simply to punish him or escape the uncertainty.
Instead, she should consider the
following:
First: Assess the boyfriend's actual
conduct. Has he acknowledged that his request was wrong? Does he
respect her boundaries now? Is he demonstrating sincere change through
consistent behaviour rather than merely making promises?
Second: Do not rely on promises
alone. If he genuinely wants marriage, he should be prepared to
take appropriate steps towards it. She should not assume that marriage will
automatically correct serious problems in his behaviour.
Third: Seek advice and involve
trusted family members. She can discuss her concerns with a
trustworthy parent, guardian or knowledgeable person who has her best interests
at heart.
Fourth: Evaluate any proposed
husband independently. If another marriage is being
considered, she should assess that person's religion, character, compatibility
and readiness for marriage. She should not accept or reject him solely because
of her feelings for the boyfriend.
Istikhara and consultation can help
her make a thoughtful decision, but neither replaces the need to examine the
available evidence.
5.
Does the Qur'an Say That a Person Who Commits Zina Can Never Become a Good
Spouse?
Allah says:
الزَّانِي
لَا يَنكِحُ إِلَّا زَانِيَةً أَوْ مُشْرِكَةً وَالزَّانِيَةُ لَا يَنكِحُهَا
إِلَّا زَانٍ أَوْ مُشْرِكٌ وَحُرِّمَ ذَٰلِكَ عَلَى الْمُؤْمِنِينَ
Az-zānī lā yankiḥu illā zāniyatan aw
mushrikatan waz-zāniyatu lā yankiḥuhā illā zānin aw mushrikun wa ḥurrima
dhālika ʿalal-muʾminīn.
“The fornicator does not marry
except a female fornicator or a polytheist, and none marries her except a
fornicator or a polytheist, and that has been prohibited to the believers.”
Qur'an 24:3
Scholars have discussed the
interpretation and legal implications of this verse, including its relationship
to repentance. It should not be used to declare that someone who has committed
a sin is permanently incapable of becoming a good spouse.
Allah also says:
قُلْ
يَا عِبَادِيَ الَّذِينَ أَسْرَفُوا عَلَىٰ أَنْفُسِهِمْ لَا تَقْنَطُوا مِن
رَّحْمَةِ اللَّهِ
Qul yā ʿibādiya alladhīna asrafū
ʿalā anfusihim lā taqnaṭū min raḥmatillāh.
“Say, ‘O My servants who have
transgressed against themselves, do not despair of the mercy of Allah.’”
Qur'an 39:53
This verse reminds us that sincere
repentance is possible. A person who has done wrong can acknowledge the
wrongdoing, repent and change.
Nevertheless, the possibility of
repentance does not mean your friend must marry this particular man. She is
entitled to consider his present character, conduct, reliability and
suitability as a husband.
Conclusion
Your friend should be grateful that
she maintained her boundaries and refused to engage in zina. She should
continue to uphold her religious principles without allowing fear of losing a
relationship to dictate her decisions.
Her boyfriend's request is a serious
matter that deserves careful consideration. If he wishes to marry her, he
should demonstrate sincerity, respect and responsibility through his actions.
She should not put her life on hold indefinitely while waiting for him to
respond.
She should seek trusted family
advice, assess any proposed marriage carefully, and make her decision through
prayer, consultation and sound judgment.
The most important point is this:
she does not have to compromise her faith or dignity to keep a boyfriend, and
she should not assume that marriage alone will change someone's character.
May Allah guide her towards what is
best for her religion, character and future.
Wallāhu Aʿlam — And Allah knows
best.
Zauren Fatawoyi Bisa Al-Qur’ani da
Sunnah
WALLAHU A'ALAM.
https://t.me/TambayaDaAnsa
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