By
Abu-Ubaida SANI, Ph.D.
Department of Languages and Cultures,
Federal University Gusau, Zamfara, Nigeria
Email: abuubaidasani5@gmail.com | abu-ubaidallah@fugusau.edu.ng
ORCID: https://orcid.org/0000-0001-6447-4334 | WhatsApp: +2348133529736
There is an interesting argument that the marital home is the “main office” while the workplace is merely an auxiliary one because much of what we do professionally ultimately serves the family.
There is some truth in this
perspective. People work to provide food, shelter, education, healthcare,
security, and opportunities for the people they love. Many of the sacrifices
made at work are ultimately sacrifices made for the family.
However, I understand the marital
home differently.
The marital home should not be an
office at all.
The workplace is where we expend
energy. The home should be where we restore it.
After spending hours solving
problems, meeting deadlines, making decisions, dealing with people, and
carrying professional responsibilities, a person should be able to return home
and find peace, companionship, laughter, rest, and renewed motivation.
The home should be where we breathe
again.
Where we recover from the pressures
of the actual workplace.
Where we can think freely.
Where new ideas can emerge.
Where we can enjoy the life we are
working so hard to build.
Marriage
Should Not Be A Competition For Time
One thing I think couples should
reconsider is the idea that marriage is constantly about competing for
someone's time.
When two people marry, they should
gradually learn to see themselves as one family with a shared direction,
even though they may have different opinions, personalities, interests, and
responsibilities.
Therefore, the question should not
always be:
“How much time did you give me?”
A better question might be:
“How can we use the time we have to
make our shared life better?”
That is a different way of thinking
about marriage.
If both partners have had demanding
days, they can use their time together to rest, talk, take a walk, watch
something, discuss ideas, plan the future, or simply enjoy each other's
company.
Rest can be shared.
Two
People Building One Life
One partner may return from work
exhausted while the other provides encouragement.
One may face a difficult problem
while the other offers a fresh perspective.
One may lose motivation while the
other reminds them of the purpose behind their efforts.
This is not necessarily one person
“giving time” to another.
It is two people investing in the
same life.
Being one family does not mean
agreeing on everything. Husband and wife can have different opinions,
interests, personalities, and approaches to problems.
Unity does not require sameness.
What matters is having a shared
direction.
They should be able to say:
“We may think differently, but we
are building together.”
When that understanding exists, one
person's success does not have to become the other's competition. Their
problems can become shared problems, their achievements can become shared
achievements, and their wellbeing can become a shared concern.
The
Home Should Be A Place Of Recovery
A person may spend most of the day
working, solving problems, making decisions, and responding to demands.
Home should not simply add another
layer of pressure.
It should provide an opportunity to
recover.
Sometimes recovery means talking.
Sometimes it means laughing.
Sometimes it means discussing an
interesting idea.
Sometimes it means eating together.
Sometimes it means taking a walk.
And sometimes it simply means
sitting quietly beside someone you love.
Not every moment at home needs to be
productive.
Some moments should simply be
enjoyed.
The
Home Can Inspire New Ideas
A peaceful home can also become a
source of creativity.
Someone may return from work with a
problem that seemed impossible to solve. During a relaxed conversation at home,
a spouse may offer an idea that creates a completely different perspective.
A business idea may emerge.
A research idea may develop.
A family plan may become clearer.
A difficult decision may become
easier.
This is one reason the home should
not be treated like another office.
The workplace demands concentration
and output.
The home can create the mental space
from which new ideas emerge.
Work
Should Support The Home
Work is important.
Ambition is important.
Professional development is
important.
Financial security is important.
But their ultimate purpose should
not be forgotten.
For many people, they work hard
because they want to build something meaningful for themselves and their
families.
Therefore, work and home should not
always be placed on opposite sides of a competition.
Work should help sustain the home.
And:
The home should help sustain the
person who works.
That relationship is much healthier
than constantly asking which one should come first.
The
Real Question Is About Partnership
Perhaps the question should not be:
“Between me and your work, which
comes first?”
Perhaps it should be:
“How can we build a life in which
your work, our relationship, our rest, and our future can all thrive?”
That question changes the
relationship from competition to partnership.
It recognises that both people have
needs.
Both have responsibilities.
Both need rest.
Both need encouragement.
Both need meaningful companionship.
And both are contributing to the
same family.
Final
Thought
The office is where we work to build
a life.
The home is where we should rest,
enjoy, reconnect, and live that life.
A good marital home should not feel
like another workplace where people are constantly being evaluated, pressured,
or required to prove their value.
It should be a place where two
people can put down some of the weight they carry outside.
A place where they can recover
together.
A place where they can think
together.
A place where they can laugh
together.
A place where they can create new
ideas together.
And above all, a place where they
can remember that despite their individual differences, they are building
one life together.
Work should help build the home.
And the home should help renew the person who goes back to work.
— Sani, A-U. (2026)
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